Archive for July, 2008

Q: What goes “VROOOM SCREECH! VROOOM SCREECH! VROOOM SCREECH!” A: A blonde at a flashing red light!

HOW TO GET BABES — A GUIDE FOR GEEKS

Take it from an expert, here’s how to get the babes:

1. Show them your T1 lines and your modifications to the Linux kernel — they’ll be very impressed.
2. Grunt when they say anything to you — remember, avoid eye contact at all costs.
3. Never leave your home — any babes worthy of your attention will come knocking on your door.
4. Surf the net for porn, so you know what real women should look like.
5. Test whether they really love you; never, ever shave or shower.
6. Don’t exercise — the weak, pudgy mess that you are will evoke maternal feelings of sympathy.
7. Be their knight in shining armor, help them with their school work/computers — they’ll fall in love with
you instantly.
8. If they talk to you, it means that they love you.
9. Remember, girls always prefer email to real mail.
10. Sitting three seats behind them on the bus is a good start.
11. Become a billioniare — trade money for babes.
12. Write the next, killer software app — your fame will draw them to you.
13. Remember, what’s cool to your geek friends is cool to babes too.
14. Always be practical and logical. Tell her “Why can’t you be more rational?” when she has one of those
moods again.
15. Make them understand that you are more evolved than that hunky football star.
16. Declare that you are homosexual — that never fails to interest them; pounce when guard is down.
17. Babes always go for the stronger man — duke it out over a game of Quake.
18. Write a geeky web page.
19. Use mnemonics to aid communication e.g. Hello == main(){, Goodbye == }
20. Increase your “reproductive fitness” — become the Alpha geek of your pack
21. The woman you’re talking to on the net really is female and most likely a babe — and remember,
cybersex is as good as real sex.

Jack and Jill were working for this company. The company had run into some bad times and the guy that owned the company was going to have to lay either Jack or Jill off. He really couldn’t decide which one to lay off because they were both really good workers. One day, he decided which ever one of them came back from lunch first, he was going to lay off. Sure enough, here came Jill up the front stairs. As she entered the front door, he walked up to her and said, “Listen Jill, I’m really sorry but I’m going to have to either lay you or jack off/a>.” Jill replied, “Well you’re going to have to jack off/a> cause I got a headache……..”

VIRGINITY — a bubble on the sea of fate. One prick and it’s gone forever.